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the little engine

October 30, 2009

that could baby…but like i said, it’s easy to lose steam down the line and it’s already starting to happen. it seemed to be a theme with me today. bad news when you’re headed for a horse racing track. kinda a bummer when the realization starts hitting you – “i’m not a winner today.” i think it was a blessing though. at least its giving me something to write about and relate to.

i didn’t check my blood sugar too much today, i lost steam. actually i only checked twice after my run this morning, and i was over 300. dang. i set a little goal for myself two days ago and it was to not let my BS go over 300 this week. i was doing perfect but then today just tanked. dang. whatever man, no more, we’ll chalk up today as an exception. and get back on that horse tomorrow.

i’d never been to a horse racing track before so there was a lot of stimulation and excitement to be enthralled with and it gets easy to say oh i’ll check in ten minutes. right after this sandwich. well one more handful of chips then i’ll test and bring it in. then before you know it, it’s time to wrap up the tailgating and head into the track for the races and then crap, i gotta test real quick. it becomes an after thought. bad.

that happens so easily. so easy for me to not check and go for a few more hours. then you get hungry. you eat. you forget you’re diabetic and you eat to satisfy your immediate hunger indulgence. now you realize halfway through the sandwich crap, “i didn’t test” you don’t know what your sugar is, so you just grab you pump and give yourself a standard middle-of-the-road-bolus blindly. so stupid. why not just check and fix the problem.

today i thought about what happened and i know when it went bad. right at the beginning. if i just test sooner rather than later and start it up then it continues strong through the day. it stays in my mind and i get curious. but if i shrug it once, curtains!

but at least me and my brother looked good. we dressed up a little. not like some others in black and blazer blue sharp suits and ties, wingtips, shining leather, expensive threads, gleaming dark sunglasses, and cigars w/ blackberrys.

i donned a beat up fedora from corvalis, OR and a sharp pinstriped collared shirt and chad (brother) wore a clean and crisp brown pinstriped jacket and a bucket style hat. hats are key at the races. we were in the paddock checking out the horses with the other track-goers then we started walking to go place bets but found ourselves walking into the exclusive paddock with the jockeys and owners and all. we just went with it. we must have looked like we belonged there since we made it through two levels of security and watchful eyes. then we are walking within inches of the horses while they paraded them down the runway, through the tunnel, and onto the track. we just acted like we knew what we were doing and chatted and didn’t make eye contact with anyone. just before the horses prance onto the track we pull off through a walkway security is covering and they step aside and clear a bit of the gathered crowd. for us. i felt prestigious and rich. out of view of everyone else me and chad look at each other and just start giggling and laughing like kindergartners.

so i looked like a winner but definitely wasn’t – kinda mimics my efforts toward my diabetes today. i felt like i was ok but really – putting the blood to the strip – i didn’t really stack up to my veneer. i guess all i can do is do better tomorrow. or tonight. i’m checking right now – 222 – bolusing and hitting the hay :)

ps – best horse name at the track today – ninewayhit – i lost 10 bucks on him. drag.

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